What are you doing?

Every once in a while a 'what the fuck are you doing with your life?' kind of question pops up from nowhere and especially when I am imagining Monica Bellucci in various stages of undress. My mind, which has no sense of priorities, subtly moves to that dreaded question. Leaving her dress on the floor and my imagined self screaming "Hey, what the fuck do you think you're doing by calling it a day at this utopian moment"? - my mind dances over my insecurities.

Today was one of those days. The question though was more retrospective in nature. It asked me, 'What the fuck have you done in your life?'. *Damn it!* After 14 minutes of "Can I get Monica back! umm.. err.. I'll be done real soon!... Please!!!...C'mmon it's MONICA BELLUCCI you celibate fucker!" I gave up. The question took over. After beating around the bush for a while, the truth basked in its naked glory. Naked Truth or Naked Monica Bellucci? Who would you choose?

For me, it was a day when I finally accepted a certain truth.

The truth that there is an obvious disparity between knowing the knowledge and living it. That knowing how to have sex and having sex are two very different things. I realized that in my 22 years, out of the umpteen thousand things I have read, known and thought to have believed - my only growth has been in height and weight, the latter also being negligible. I've read books on Zen Buddhism, parts of the Gita, Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, so many Robin Sharma's pop self-helps ... Infact, I've read bits of The Secret too *in a fit of desperation* ...

But little did I realize that for self help to actually work, you have to help your self. And honestly man, knowing one's self is not rocket science. It simply needs the honesty and earnestness to look at yourself for what you truly are. A dash of ruthlessness can help if you are subconsciously biased to yourself. *Eg : Me*

With objectivity must come acknowledgment and then acceptance. And then the willingness to change the unwanted. Damn, see I am writing like the way they do in those books. Digression :- Sincerely, some reputed self-help practitioners and preachers make the entire process so serious and challenging that it becomes a put-off. And that's true. Most books make self-awareness sombre business meant for the world weary. Isn't it?

And when you only know the knowledge but are not living it, you come across as preachy and philosophical too with mere clutter and little clarity. And I realise how this information overload has taken a toll on my mind. My spontaneity is not spontaneous. I write lines like the last one. And most importantly, Monica Bellucci has begun to lose interest in me.

So, ladies and gentlemen my parting wisdom to you is :

It's a hundred times more beneficial to live the little you know & believe in. Jee haan! Sachi! Anyway, you tell me :

What are you doing?








P.S. - The 'Knowing how to and having Sex' line in Para 3 was just an example to elucidate my point. It certainly wasn't the subject of my introspection. Jee haan! Sachi!